I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Randomize
