why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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