Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
