Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
