You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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