I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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