I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
