Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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