I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
