So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
True strength comes from lack of pants
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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