So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Randomize
