feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
