with your own penis?
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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