Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
