Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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