i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
