Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Two words: nipple clamps
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