he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
