I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
