I don't think brook has ever known best
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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