I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
