I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
