Sry I called you an 8
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Randomize
