Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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