Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
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