I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
