Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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