I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
