she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
