i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
