I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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