life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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