I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
