Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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