Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Randomize
