I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
