Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
