Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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