i was born a porn star she said
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
