No stitches, just platelets and will power
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
