So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
