Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
