thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Randomize
