Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
