We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
