Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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