The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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