Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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