Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
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