It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
