If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
