When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
