Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Houston, we have a squirter
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
