i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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