You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
