Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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