I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
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We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
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There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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