the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
