the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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