ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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