He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
