i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
