I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
there's paper in my vomit.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
