dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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