i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
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