every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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