DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
