after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
